teatime | (no subject)

... Last night. We had to take care of a chick who had a neurological issues and was slowly dying. It was chirping and crying, and- it was this sharp- intense, piercing cry.

So, since neither of us knew how to break it's neck, the best option was to drowned it. So we filled the sink and I held it down, while I couldn't see because the tears in my eyes were so intense. And when we pulled it out of the water, when it was finally dead- ... It was so small, even smaller than most of the chicks as they were when they first came out of the shell. I just... I close my eyes, and I can see it- ... And feel the scrape of it's tiny clawed feet on the back of my hand.

And it hurts me- ... Like a lot. I murdered a living creature, not just ants or bugs that are accidentally or intentionally stepped on. It had a little heart, and feathers and...

More coffee... Things have just been emotionally distressing.